Monday, April 12, 2010

Good Coffee/Bad Coffee

I happened to be in Jakobsberg Centrum last week and in need of coffee and a quick bite to eat. A little stressed for time we ended up in Wayne's Coffee. Wayne's is normally somewhere you can trust for a bog standard caffeine fix.  I thought..

As it was, we'd already tried the 7-Eleven next door, only to find it wasn't a 7-Eleven any more and didn't sell anything close to resembling a sandwich.

I've been to the Wayne's on Götgatan a few times and never had any problems there so naively assumed we'd be ok with Jakan's version. Wrong!

First off, we go inside to find a woman behind the counter on the phone, chatting away to a mate about something trivial. There is another guy wandering around behind the counter looking lost. Jen decides she wants a cheese roll that they have in a basket on the counter and a latte. Easy enough, I tell her I'll get it and she heads back to the car.

I stand there for a couple of minutes whilst the lady on the phone continues to chat away. Lost guy finally approaches me and takes my order. At least, he takes my money. I order two lattes and a cream cheese bagel from the trusted Wayne's menu. The guy then mumbles something to me about not being able to make the bagels and points to Phone Lady. I guess she's going to take care of it. The guy goes back around the counter and sits down with a friend, who is happily munching away on a sandwich.

Ok...what the fuck is going on here?

Eventually the phone lady hangs up and comes over to me. She shouts over to the Lost Guy, asking him what I'd ordered. I stand there, feeling invisible whilst the two break into argument around me. She asks him why he hadn't made my bagel to which he replies “I don't know how you do the bagels...” Jesus do these people get jobs? There are educated people here in this country, who have fled from their war torn homelands, who can't even get cleaning jobs here in Sweden, and I'm faced with this pair of turds. They should be forced to give their jobs to the far more deserving...

Anyway, the woman eventually asks me what I want on my bagel, to which I repeat to her, cream fucking cheese. She mopes off and goes to work on my bagel.. “Just cream cheese?”  I don't get it... On the menu, under the bagel section, it clearly states Cream Cheese Bagel. I tell her I want that bagel on the menu. “Do you want any salad on it?” “Yeah I want salad!” The fucking thing costs 40 kronors, of course I want salad on it.

She farts around for about another five minutes until she eventually places a cardboard box in front of me, looking at me like I've just farted in her kids face. Thanks. She then goes to start serving some other girl behind me when I'm forced to butt in and ask where my two lattes are. Cue another argument with the other useless arse of a man who took my order. She asks him why he couldn't have at least made my lattes for me, to which he replies, “I don't know how to make the lattes.” It's embarrassing by this point.

The woman grumpily makes my coffee's, hands them to me, I run from there as quickly as I can , back to the car where Jen is waiting, looking somewhat amused/confused..

I get in the car, open my cardboard box only to find yet more disappointment. What I have before me is not a Cream Cheese Bagel. It's a fucking Cream Cheese Bagel Kit! Two pieces of bagel bread, cut in half, a tub of cream cheese and a bunch of salad thrown on the side. I have to make the fucking thing myself. “I don't know how to make the lattes...” Seriously?

Wayne's. You're off the list!


  1. Hilarious. It may be a chliché but I'm really trying to avoid these soul-less coffeeshop franchises at all costs.

    Waynes coffee, Espressohouse, Coffehouse by george and whatnot.

    On the other hand, they're everywhere so you don't always really have a choice when you need your fix.

  2. oh Gareth, i love reading the blogs, cause if it don't happen to you it'll certainly happen to me!